Gnarly Trombone: Back to school? Really? - Greeley Tribune

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Sometimes our leaders don’t make intelligent decisions.

Like the Weld County Commissions, who decided not to enforce the required mask rule by the Governor.

But making unwise decisions is nothing new for our Commisshes. Unlike the school board, which is usually wise.

Except this time. They’re sending the kids and teachers and all the school folks back to school.

It’s a little frightening.

But the School Board Folks insist the kids will follow the rules and wear a mask all the time and distance themselves from each other.

Yeah, right.

If you’ve ever had a kid or talked to a kid or even watched a kid, you know they don’t follow rules. Especially in school. For example:

• A kid is supposed to stay clean. They don’t. They like dirt.
• Even though you’ve told them not too, a kid will pick their nose. And then hold on their finger while chasing the other kids to wipe it on their heads.
• I’ve seen what kids do to pencils. Chew off the eraser. If you make them wear a mask, they’ll chew a hole in it.
• Kids eat paste. They also eat paper, gum wrappers, flowers, dandelions, a sweatshirt or old underwear.
• At lunch, they’ll sit together and trade food. Or throw the food at each other.
• One of the coolest things to do, according to kids, is fart. They try to fart to the tunes of music. Also burp loudly. Alternating with farting.
• Some kids will want to hug everyone in the room, which is not a good thing right now.
• They’ll climb in a friend’s locker so they can jump out and scare him.
• Send them to the bathroom, but you really don’t know where they’ll go or what they’ll be doing, or who they’ll chase around, trying to pee on them.
• Put them on the playground and they’ll slide down the slide headfirst. Or tangled together on the slide with three other kids.
• Our grandson, when he was small, tried to pet a bee. You know what happened there. Keep kids away from stinging, biting things.
• Don’t let kids have access to baseball bats, car tires, staplers, flashlights, glass bottles, dinner plates, ladders, trees, tomatoes, banana skins, a pogo stick, a chain saw, a pocket knife, a trash can lid, a surfboard, a live fish, a mouse, a garden hose, a lightbulb, a roll of toilet paper, or anything that runs on gas or electricity.

Now. Aren’t you REALLY glad you’re not a teacher?

— The name Gnarly Trombone was taken from an 1871 Cincinnati newspaper that misread Horace Greeley’s handwritten name of the Greeley Tribune. Mike Peters is a retired Tribune staff writer. He may be emailed at mrpeters26@comcast.net.

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