Helping women in danger: In Dallas, a new effort to correct past mistakes - The Dallas Morning News

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Even in the most public of places, a woman can be vulnerable. She can be sitting in a restaurant or at a bar, and the man beside her can be someone abusing her, or someone she fears will or someone who just makes her uncomfortable about her safety.

We are thankful several restaurants across Dallas-Fort Worth are sending a message to those women: We can help.

It’s a message that must be communicated quietly, for the safety of the women.

Spearheaded by Dallas restaurateur Kevin Lillis, a group of Dallas restaurants and bars known as the Hospitality Coalition Against Domestic Violence is putting up signs in women’s restrooms with a domestic violence hotline number and an invitation to ask restaurant staff for immediate help by using a password or texting a restaurant line.

As our colleague Sarah Blaskovich reported, participating restaurants will be prepared to hail a cab or a ride-share service, and servers are instructed not to give information on where the woman went. More than a dozen restaurants in North Texas have posted signs or plan to do so, including Lillis’ Jaxon Beer Garden in downtown Dallas.

Domestic violence is a difficult problem to tackle, and women in a long-term relationship or who have a family with their abuser may not be able to simply leave a restaurant without notice. Nevertheless, seeing the sign in restrooms across town will let a woman know that she is not alone, said Jan Langbein, CEO of Genesis Women’s Shelter in Dallas, which is working with Lillis on his initiative.

The woman may not need to or may not be ready to go to a shelter, but she can call the hotline from a restroom stall and ask about counseling or legal services, Langbein said. If the woman doesn’t want to be overheard by other guests, she can also text Genesis at 214-946-4357.

Lillis told us he wants to avoid the pitfalls of similar efforts, such as the “Ask for Angela” campaign in the United Kingdom or the “angel shot” campaign here in the United States. When campaigns are publicized with their code words, abusers become aware of them and victims may no longer feel safe using the passwords, Lillis said. In the North Texas initiative, restaurants are encouraged to choose different passwords.

Because of turnover in the restaurant industry, it’s also crucial to keep all staff trained constantly, given that any of them may come in contact with a customer who needs help. Lillis said every new staff member is trained on the program.

One key instruction for staff: Don’t be a hero. Act discreetly and don’t escalate the situation.

“People feel like they want to do more, and they shouldn’t,” Lillis said. “They want to confront the guy, and that makes the situation potentially worse.”

One in four women have experienced violence or stalking at the hands of an intimate partner, according to government estimates. That is a chilling statistic, and it should jolt more businesses to do something to help, if they can do so safely.

“If every genre of business stood up and took a stand just like Kevin Lillis and Jaxon, can you imagine the difference that that would make?” Langbein said.

Lillis doesn’t have to imagine. He told us that since the signs went up in December, a handful of his customers have used the password to leave dates that made them feel unsafe.

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Helping women in danger: In Dallas, a new effort to correct past mistakes - The Dallas Morning News
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